Get out on the dance floor and rip it up with the track that’s #1 with a bullet…
How do you know the Anti-Button Club is for real?
On arguably the biggest news day of the year, the CBC took a break from President Obama’s first visit to Ottawa, to cover the news that really matters: Benjamin Button is a turd.
O.A.B.B.C. Co-Founder, Jordan Kawchuk took time out of his busy schedule of Button Bashing, to answer some of Jessica Wong’s questions.
Our ultimate goal is to influence the Academy and the voters and the watchers of the Oscars to realize that [The Curious Case of Benjamin Button] is awful. We will feel that we succeed if – like Gangs of New York a few years ago, which was nominated for 11 or 13 [and] won nothing. If [Benjamin Button] wins nothing, we’ve done our job.
Now THAT’S news. Thank you, Mother Corp.
Read the whole interview here.
How bad is The Curious Case Of Benjamin Buton? So bad that it’s making professional newspaper writers cleverly sidestep their beat JUST SO THEY CAN BASH BUTTON! John Doyle is a legendary and strongly opinionated Canadian TV critic who writes a great column in The Globe And Mail. Under the headline “Why TV Is Better Than Movies,” Doyle is able to dole out some serious lashes at our least favourite movie of all-time:
“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is an insultingly inane movie. It’s an empty-headed cinematic contrivance. Fella is born old and dies young. Lots of soft lighting and mushy moments of sentimentality. By heavens, it drags. I imagine the core is supposed to be when Cate Blanchett’s Daisy and Brad Pitt’s Benjamin Button are of the right age to fall in love. That’s about 10 minutes of substance. The rest is a convoluted movie in love with itself and its tricks. It delivers only one emotional truth: For a while, we are in our prime as human beings, and before and after that, life is disappointing. Big deal.”
John Doyle, congratulations – you are now officially inducted into the O.A.B.B.C. Hall of Fame. Bless you and your vivid encapsulation of this utter waste of celluloid.
David Germain of the Associated Press wrote an article this week discussing Button’s chances for a historically awful performance, something the O.A.B.B.C. is quite excited about. Not only are we happy to hear that it might lose every category it’s nominated for, but we also learned some interesting facts about the making of the world’s worst movie. For example:
The producers of “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” toiled for 18 years on their strange romantic epic, so simply bringing it to the screen — let alone grabbing a leading 13 Academy Awards nominations — was a victory.
Winning any of those Oscars come Sunday night is another challenge.
18 years? For this? Really? What did the producers do in a past life that has left them working on a film like Button for 18 years, only to have their ‘dream’ turn into a molasses covered turd of a movie? Or perhaps they didn’t do anything in a past life – they may well be simply horrible film producers:
Even if it wins some of its other categories, losing out on best picture would put “Benjamin Button” producer Kathleen Kennedy in the Oscar record books. It would be Kennedy’s sixth loss, tying her with Stanley Kramer for most best-picture nominations without a win.
Frank Marshall, Kennedy’s producing partner on “Benjamin Button,” would move into second place, going zero-for-five on best picture.
Wouldn’t it be beautiful justice if the first and second place ‘biggest losers’ in Oscar history for Best Picture nominations were BOTH responsible for Button? The prospect that has us most excited, though, is this:
If “Benjamin Button” wound up being shut out, it would become the biggest loser ever, surpassing the zero-for-11 record by 1977’s “The Turning Point” and 1985’s “The Color Purple.” In 2002, “Gangs of New York” went zero-for-10.
Thank you, David Germain, for sharing this exciting vision with the rest of the world.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt vs Benjamin Button (idea courtesy of @ivortossell!)
- My four favourite words: bayou, hoodoo, gitcha, chooglin’
- My death row last meal? Bacon Cheddar Gordita Crunch
- I frequently have night terrors about getting caught bit-torrenting dwarf porn
- I once went back to find the love of my life, only to walk away. Wait – that was 16 times in the same movie.
- When I was a boy, I thought ‘Cajun’ meant trapping critters and babies in cages, poking them with sticks, and then setting them on fire.
- Deleted scene from Benjamin Button: my years in Mexico as legendary Lucha Libre wrestler Santo, el Enmascarado de Plata.
- Dijonaise gives me gas.
- As a teenager that looked 60 years old, I often resorted to using ‘roofies‘ to get some action
- I can drink twelve pints of buttermilk in one sitting.
- When I’m alone at night, I like to dress up in high heels, douse myself with fancy perfume, and dance the Charleston with an old coat rack
- I invented the ‘atomic wedgie‘
- I wear a smaller hat underneath my regular hat. Keeps me young. And doctors say it’s good for my shingles.
- My favourite movie of all-time is Kazaam
- I’ve got a rock solid business plan to open a chain of Bubba Button Shrimp restaurants, but can’t get V.C. funding
- I’m the ‘Ben’ in Ben Gay
- I have never been on an aeroplane (What’s the deal with aeroplane food?)
- I was Wilfred Brimley’s understudy in Cocoon and Henry Fonda’s stunt double in On Golden Pond
- I can breathe through my ears
- Shhhh – don’t tell anyone: I prefer zippers over buttons
- I’m the one who put the ram in the ram-a-lama ding dong
- But I’m NOT the one who put the dip in the dip she dip dee
- Much like a crustacean, if you cut off one of my limbs, it miraculously grows back
- Secretly, I gloat that everyone else on Earth is getting older, wrinklier, and uglier, while I get younger, smoother, and hotter.
- Most painful process during making of Benjamin Button? Four hours of makeup daily to make my crotch look ‘old.’
- Daisy’s breath smelled like carp.