- 1kg boneless white fish fillets – preferably old and leathery
- 500g uncooked medium prawns – preferably with lots of veins
- 2 tablespoons olive oil – preferably musty
- 2 tablespoons Cajun seasoning
- 1.5 litres (6 cups) fish stock
- 1/3 cup (80ml) tomato paste
- ¼ cup (60ml) water from the bilge pump of a tug boat
- 1 medium (350g) hummingbird, thinly sliced
- 1 medium (150g) clump of old man hair, chopped (must fall out naturally)
- 4 tbsp of human tears
- 850g (2 x 425g) can of boredom
- 3 crushed extra-strength sedative pills
- ½ cup (125ml) dry white whine – old man whine preferred, but can substitute wrinkly baby whine
- Cut fish into 3cm pieces. Shell and de-vein prawns, leaving tails intact. Combine fish, prawns, oil and seasoning in bowl, cover; refrigerate 1 hour.
- Add bilge-water from tug boat, human tears, sedatives and stir until smooth.
- Watch 3 hour movie, put the boredom into a can, and then pour boredom into bowl.
- Boil. While dish is cooking, whine about your life and that you are aging backwards.
- Serve hot at 4:30pm.
- Eat a hard candy.
- Do a crossword.
- Finally, go to bed at 6:30pm.