The Aftermath – Button Goes 3-13 at 2009 Oscars

We have done it people.

While we did not achieve our FULL goal of an 0-13 Buttonless Oscar ceremony, we did help to keep this never-ending disgrace from winning a single significant award.  All it got were technical awards: FX, Makeup, and Art Direction.   The O.A.B.B.C. would like to heartily thank each and every one of our supporters during these trying weeks leading up to Oscars and trying months since Button was unleashed upon our culture.  We have stood up and said ‘No more sh*t from you, Hollywood!  No more 3 hour slumber parties!  No more Oscar bait plots!’ And the Academy heard us loud and clear.
So where do we go from here?  Let’s move forward (unlike our nemesis, Mr. Button, who moves only backwards).  I guess we could protest the DVD release…  But then again, maybe we have greater work ahead of us.  Stay tuned.

The Big Show – O.A.B.B.C. Live Blogs The Oscars, Praying for 0-13

• 8:53pm Somewhere, an old, old baby is wailing inconsolably.
• 8:53pm Please bring back Jon Stewart next year.  (No offense Hugh)
• 8:52pm Best Picture of 2009 Oscar goes to… Slumdog Millionaire.  Button 3-13!  Overall: GIANT FAIL FOR BUTTON!  WHEEEEEEEEE!
• 8:51pm Extended Button montage – just threw up on my shirt.
• 8:49pm At this point, it is next to impossible that Button wins Best Picture.  It has lost EVERY ‘major’ award it’s been up for tonight.  Please let the streak continue…
• 8:48pm Worst Picture confirmation – Indiana Jones 4
• 8:47pm Best Picture prediction – Turner & Hooch!
• 8:44pm “Commie, homo-loving sons of guns”  Already most memorable line of the night.  Better writing than anything in 3 hours of Button hell.
• 8:43pm Sean Penn wins for Milk!  Wheeee!  (give em hell for Proposition 8!) Button 3-12. One more loss to go…
• 8:42pm Come on, Rourke!  You greasy sonofabitch!  Win this effing thing!
• 8:41pm Anthony Hopkins for Best Actor trying to convince us that Brad Pitt can act. NO BRAD PITT!
• 8:41pm Anthony Hopkins – SAY WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT BUTTON!  YOU KNOW IT’S A SHAM!
• 8:40pm Richard Jenkins would be the best surprise winner ever.
• 8:38pm Why isn’t Tony Danza one of the 5?
• 8:37pm REALLY liking this 5 winners from the past action on all the acting awards.
• 8:36pm Best Actor Music sounds like the Hockey Night In Canada theme (old one)
• 8:35pm Kate Winslet – did she just say “F*ck you so much!” to the Academy?   Regardless, such a class act.
• 8:32pm Best Actress goes to… Benjamin Button!
• 8:30pm Sophia Loren could use some Benjamin Button anti-aging magic.  Her skin looks like a tanned hide.
• 8:29pm Come on Kate Winslet…
• 8:25pm Best Actress coming up now.  Shirley Maclaine looks insane.
• 8:20pm Best Director Oscar goes to… Danny Boyle.  Hallelujah!  Button 3-11.
• 8:19pm Best Director from Reese Witherspoon.  PLEASE no David Fincher.  This would almost as bad as giving Eric Roth an Oscar for writing Button.
• 8:18pm No speech from Academy President – best new idea yet.
• 8:11pm Death applause meter winner for 2009: Paul Newman, justly deserved.
• 8:09pm Thanks to MSN Entertainment for pointing to the O.A.B.B.C.!
• 8:05pm Ewww: New Kraft Bagelfuls – basically a cream cheese twinkie. HURL. (off-topic)
• 8:00pm Two and a half hours in, nothing hugely exciting except Heath (which was totally predictable) so far.
• 7:56pm Original Song – Alicia Keys and Zac Effron presenting.  Isn’t it kind of insulting to ‘music’ have ZAC EFRON give out the Best Song?
• 7:54pm Original Score – Button loses to Slumdog.  YEEEEESSSS!  Button 3-10
• 7:52pm Violins… soooo sleepy.  Going for a Old Man Button nap.  Wake me when the awards come back.
• 7:50pm Music – PLEASE don’t start singing again….
• 7:44pm Jerry Lewis wins Humanitarian Oscar.  Such an embarrassing array of ‘goofy face’ pics behind him
• 7:41pm Tomorrow, watch etalk for all your Oscars coverage!  YES – I can’t wait to find out what happened at the Oscars tomorrow night at 7pm.
• 7:37pm Just got this comment:
  “please tell me you are eating low-cholesterol Oscar snacks. I am concerned for your hearts with each new button possibility”
  We are eating deep fried cajun catfish and drinking fermented swamp water.  The way things are going, we hope to end up in hospital and blot out the 3 wins so far.
• 7:34pm Film editing.  No Button worries here even though it’s nominated.  Winner is… Slumdog. Button 3-9
• 7:31pm Sound mixing.  Button loses. We were worried it was going to get to 50% win percentage.   Button 3-8.
• 7:29pm Dark Knight wins sound editing.
• 7:27pm FX goes to… Button! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  (They did make Pitt look AWFUL…) Button 3-7
• 7:26pm Got a BAAAAAD feeling about Button winning FX.
• 7:26pm They can take Brad Pitt and turn him into a garden gnome.  #buttonbash FTW!
• 7:25pm Action man Will Smith!  He LOVES action movies.
• 7:23pm Post-production time. Wheee!  A rock n’ roll montage that says – Oscar are versatile – we can ROCK, too (as well as do fancy musicals and dancing).
• 7:22pm Anyone else getting sick of CSI music-only promos on CTV?
• 7:07pm Oscar goes to… Heath.  Very nice. Family accepting, also very nice to see.  (See? O.A.B.B.C. has a heart.)
• 7:05pm Best Supporting Actor Oscar – how can this NOT be Heath?
• 7:02pm Kind of liking this ‘five winners from the past set up each nominee’ format.  Something new that’s nice and respectful.
• 7:01pm And we’re back from commercial… Best Supporting Actor time.  Button Threat Level – Zero.  No one nominated.
• 6:58pm The musical is back!  The only worse news would be “Benjamin Button 2 Greenlit”
• 6:56pm MARCHING BAND!  They’re pulling a Radiohead at the Grammies, except with ABBA!?!
• 6:55pm “You can’t stop the beat.”  We can’t stop the bile from rising up our esophagus.  HURL.
• 6:54pm Are they really singing songs from Grease??? WTF?
• 6:52pm Hugh’s back. Ugh.  Change has finally come.  Jackman: The musical is back, ladies and gentlemen.  O.A.B.B.C. HATES musicals and we hate LIVE musical tributes even MORE.  Hugh FTL.
• 6:49pm Some comfort – others have assured me that Button’s wins so far aren’t REAL awards.  Whew.
• 6:46pm EVERY ONE of the live action short movies look better than Button.  (Which SHOULD have been a short film and not a 3 hour turd filled with sedatives)
• 6:44pm Wrestling gags – face stapling FTW.
• 6:42pm New Judd Apatow short with James Franco and Seth Rogen.  Laughing at the Reader – pretty funny.
• 6:39pm Sci-tech awards highlights.  No Button excitement to be had here…
• 6:33pm Cinematography – and the Oscar goes to… Slumdog!  No Button!  O.A.B.B.C. emotions are up and down like a toilet seat.  Button 2-6.
• 6:31pm We’re back.  Cinematography.  Button is up for yet another one here.  Ben Stiller is doing Joaquin Phoenix!  AWESOME!
• 6:25pm Romance montage.  Barf.
• 6:24pm Oscar goes to BUTTON!!!! WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY???????  Button 2-5.
• 6:23pm Makeup – why do we feel Button’s got a shot here?
• 6:20pm Another Button category – Costume Design.  Please no…  YES!  A loss for Button. Back on track. Button 1-4.
• 6:19pm WORST NIGHT OF O.A.B.B.C.’s LIFE!
• 6:17pm Button wins! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  The dream is dead.  Button 1-3.
• 6:15pm Aaaand we’re back. Hugh is back. Designer awards. Butt clench time – this could be Button’s sneaky win of the night.  Art Direction is next…
• 6:07pm How can animation NOT be Wall-E?  Easiest pick of the night. (Besides Button losing everything)
• 6:02pm  Eric Roth loses!  Justive prevails… SO FAR.  Button 0-2!!!
• 6:00pm Best Adapted Screenplay.  This is THE most outrageous nomination of the night.  Eric Roth.  Shame on you for bastardizing Fitzgerald so.  It will be a crime against cinema if you win.  Fingers crossed for anything but Button.  (A.B.B.)
• 5:59pm Steve to Tina – don’t fall in love with me.  Awesome.
• 5:54pm Tina and Steve – comedy.  Yes.  This is good.  Great timing, great writing.  Scientology jokes!  Wheee!
• 5:51pm Do you think Tom Cruise is fuming that Penelope just won an Oscar?
• 5:49pm Oscar goes to Penelope Cruz.  Button 0-1. w00t! (what was up with Goldie Hawn’s dress? She and Whoopi could make a dynamic duo of tackiness)
• 5:45pm First test of Button tonight.  Taraji P. Henson, Best Supporting Actress.  Soooo nervous…
• 5:44pm FIVE people to award Best Supporting Actress.  OMG – Whoopi looks atrocious.  This is going on the Worsed Dressed List of all time instantly.
• 5:43pm Dear Lord – already our first effing montage and we’re less than 15 minutes in.  Ugh.
• 5:41pm Talking to Brad and Angela, nothing to say.  I guess you can’t say, “Congrats on making the WORST movie ever – you must be SO ashamed” on the broadcast.
• 5:41pm LOVE Mickey Rourke’s silver tooth.  HE would be an awesome Oscar host!
• 5:40pm Hugh schmoozing with the stars.  This feels like a bad standup gig with a guy trying to work the crowd.
• 5:34pm Okay, getting better – he did a nice little Button bashing and mentioned pubic hair, something WE haven’t even done yet! “When I was 4, my back was sore and I had pubic hair, I’m aging in reverse but no one seems to be aware.  You’d think the government would replicate my DNA. Somebody notify the press before I fade away.  Does anyone think this case was curious?”
• 5:33pm Is it wrong that we’re already missing Jon Stewart?  Hugh is seeming like Billy Crystal Light.
• 5:32pm Recession jokes.  And uh oh.  An opening number.  High school play style.  Feeling nauseous.
• 5:30pm It’s on – here’s Hugh, looking dapper. “It really is the biggest movie event of the year.”  Hopefully the biggest event because of setting a record for most losses by a single film.  NO BUTTON.

Oscar Pre-Show Live ButtonBlog

• Oscar leak – is it real or fake?  We’re on the fence.  On one hand, it’s horrible because Button wins a few awards, but one the other hand, it doesn’t win any of the BIG awards. Here’s the leaked document:

• 5:20pm Here come the accountants with the suitcases containing all the winners.  Please let there be no “Button” “Fincher” or “Pitt” envelopes in there.  PLEASE.
• OR was it actually Benjamin Button that showed up in his ‘Brad Pitt’ phase?
• So Brad actually showed up.  The nerve.  Although he didn’t give the red carpet gang too much time.  Probably because he was embarrassed that he’d be asked questions about Benjamin Button.

Oscar Menu To Celebrate The Defeat Of Button

If you’re looking for that very special way to allow your stomach to enjoy the ‘Reckoning Of Button’ tonight, epicuriuos.com has put together a list of meals suitable for each contender for Best Picture.  The Button menu is:

A Classic New Orleans Supper

Oysters Rockefeller “Deconstructed”

Sazerac

Jumbo Lump Crabcakes with Sweet Corn and Jalapeño

Artichokes Braised in Lemon and Olive Oil

Pouilly-Fumé

White Chocolate Bread Pudding with White Chocolate Sauce

One glaring oversight: they’ve forgotten about Button’s Bayou Bouillabaisse.

Ominous Foreshadowing?

If we were looking for a sign that the Academy has their heads screwed on properly and will be indeed delivering a goose-egg to Monsieur Button tonight, this surely ain’t it. Jerry Lewis is getting an honourary Oscar tonight.

Officially, this Oscar is doled out to those whose “humanitarian efforts have brought credit to the industry.” Unofficially, this award, like the honorary Oscar, can sometimes be a consolation prize for fading heavyweights who have never won in the regular race.

They give out Oscars because you’re a ‘fading heavyweight’ who has been a lifetime loser in Awardsville? Not to pessimistic on such a huge night, but we’ve got early stomach jitters that another lifetime loser who ages backwards may not be neglected as much as we’re hoping…

Best Button Bashing From The Comments

On Oscar day, we here at the O.A.B.B.C. thought it would be appropriate to pull a small sampling of the best vitriol from the comments we’ve received here since the site started and create a sort of “Coles Notes Of Button Loathing.”

Kim: I was bored within the first five minutes and it was all downhill from there.  Am cheering for a big fat Zero wins at the Oscars tonight.

Mike: I like most children and even love a few. There’s even a soft spot for movie and TV kids. When the Button old-man/baby bit the dirt, all I could say was thank God.
Forget “run Forest run”, the new catchphrase is die Button baby die… This was no movie…This was the collective water-boarding of a theater of the damned.

Andrew: Plot twist after mindless plot twist, this self-consciously bloated pic deserves to be denied an Oscar. 13 denials. Then the next day it should be taken out back and shot for it’s ‘look at me I am an Oscar epic movie’ pretense!

Heather: If Button wins an Oscar I vow to never watch again! I hated the cheap plot devices of that stupid journal, the daughter and the horrid hospital room, drabble drabble drabble.

Deedee: I hope you eat crow when Button wins the Oscar.

dc: BB is nothing more than good makeup and CGI. Pitt can’t act for peanuts, and the story is boring as hell.

Debbie: I hated this movie and regret that I spent any time watching it. Time that I will not get back. It really is the worst films I have seen since The Majestic.

Kuljeet: I don’t like Brad Pitt as an old man – I did not need to see that. He looks like a bald tiny David Letterman in the top picture. I think they should have casted an actor who isn’t a pretty boy – I like Pitt with guns and his top off. I think this movie says alot about life but it doesn’t work with Brad.

Casey: Benjamin Button ages backwards, but he’s still boring as all hell.

Hummingbirdh8tr: The first time I ever wanted to punch a leathery baby was when I saw this movie!

Ran: It’s nominated for HOW many awards ????????? I sure hope it doesn’t win just cos Brad Pitt is in it. He’s hollywoods golden boy but hasn’t done anything worth while in a LONG time.

Cheers to all of you for sharing your disgust with Mister Button and keep the brave words coming…  See you tonight at 5pm PT / 8pm ET!

Tonight 8pm ET / 5pm PT – Live ButtonBlogging Cinematic History: 0-13!

Witness an historic disaster.  Be part of history.  Tune in to this website tonight to share in one of two exciting events:

1. Benjamin Button goes down as the biggest loser of all-time (officially, that is.  unofficially, it has held that title since its release)
2. The creators of this website will become livid as Button DOES win an Oscar and quickly unleash an unspeakable tirade of loathing and disgust towards the Academy members.

Either way, sounds like the O.A.B.B.C. will be an ideal companion for Oscar Sunday.

Benjamin Button Dance Remix (Volume 1)

Get out on the dance floor and rip it up with the track that’s #1 with a bullet…

CBC Honours the O.A.B.B.C.

How do you know the Anti-Button Club is for real?

On arguably the biggest news day of the year, the CBC took a break from President Obama’s first visit to Ottawa, to cover the news that really matters: Benjamin Button is a turd.

O.A.B.B.C. Co-Founder, Jordan Kawchuk took time out of his busy schedule of Button Bashing, to answer some of Jessica Wong’s questions.

Our ultimate goal is to influence the Academy and the voters and the watchers of the Oscars to realize that [The Curious Case of Benjamin Button] is awful. We will feel that we succeed if – like Gangs of New York a few years ago, which was nominated for 11 or 13 [and] won nothing. If [Benjamin Button] wins nothing, we’ve done our job.

Now THAT’S news. Thank you, Mother Corp.

Read the whole interview here.

Uber-TV Critic John Doyle Joins Button-Loathing Brigade!

How bad is The Curious Case Of Benjamin Buton?  So bad that it’s making professional newspaper writers cleverly sidestep their beat JUST SO THEY CAN BASH BUTTON! John Doyle is a legendary and strongly opinionated Canadian TV critic who writes a great column in The Globe And Mail. Under the headline “Why TV Is Better Than Movies,” Doyle is able to dole out some serious lashes at our least favourite movie of all-time:

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is an insultingly inane movie. It’s an empty-headed cinematic contrivance. Fella is born old and dies young. Lots of soft lighting and mushy moments of sentimentality. By heavens, it drags. I imagine the core is supposed to be when Cate Blanchett’s Daisy and Brad Pitt’s Benjamin Button are of the right age to fall in love. That’s about 10 minutes of substance. The rest is a convoluted movie in love with itself and its tricks. It delivers only one emotional truth: For a while, we are in our prime as human beings, and before and after that, life is disappointing. Big deal.”

John Doyle, congratulations – you are now officially inducted into the O.A.B.B.C. Hall of Fame.  Bless you and your vivid encapsulation of this utter waste of celluloid.

Can The Associated Press See The Future? Keep Your Fingers Crossed…

David Germain of the Associated Press wrote an article this week discussing Button’s chances for a historically awful performance, something the O.A.B.B.C. is quite excited about.  Not only are we happy to hear that it might lose every category it’s nominated for, but we also learned some interesting facts about the making of the world’s worst movie.  For example:

The producers of “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” toiled for 18 years on their strange romantic epic, so simply bringing it to the screen — let alone grabbing a leading 13 Academy Awards nominations — was a victory.

Winning any of those Oscars come Sunday night is another challenge.

18 years?  For this?  Really? What did the producers do in a past life that has left them working on a film like Button for 18 years, only to have their ‘dream’ turn into a molasses covered turd of a movie?  Or perhaps they didn’t do anything in a past life – they may well be simply horrible film producers:

Even if it wins some of its other categories, losing out on best picture would put “Benjamin Button” producer Kathleen Kennedy in the Oscar record books. It would be Kennedy’s sixth loss, tying her with Stanley Kramer for most best-picture nominations without a win.

Frank Marshall, Kennedy’s producing partner on “Benjamin Button,” would move into second place, going zero-for-five on best picture.

Wouldn’t it be beautiful justice if the first and second place ‘biggest losers’ in Oscar history for Best Picture nominations were BOTH responsible for Button?  The prospect that has us most excited, though, is this:

If “Benjamin Button” wound up being shut out, it would become the biggest loser ever, surpassing the zero-for-11 record by 1977’s “The Turning Point” and 1985’s “The Color Purple.” In 2002, “Gangs of New York” went zero-for-10.

Thank you, David Germain, for sharing this exciting vision with the rest of the world.

What Benjamin Button Might Wear To The Oscars

Separated At Birth, Part 3

Franklin Delano Roosevelt vs Benjamin Button  (idea courtesy of @ivortossell!)

25 Random Things About Me (Benjamin Button)

1. My four  favourite words: bayou, hoodoo, gitcha, chooglin’
2. My death row last meal?  Bacon Cheddar Gordita Crunch
3. I frequently have night terrors about getting caught bit-torrenting dwarf porn
4. I once went back to find the love of my life, only to walk away. Wait – that was 16 times in the same movie.
5. When I was a boy, I thought ‘Cajun’ meant trapping critters and babies in cages, poking them with sticks, and then setting them on fire.
6. Deleted scene from Benjamin Button: my years in Mexico as legendary Lucha Libre wrestler Santo, el Enmascarado de Plata.
7. Dijonaise gives me gas.
8. As a teenager that looked 60 years old, I often resorted to using ‘roofies‘ to get some action
9. I can drink twelve pints of buttermilk in one sitting.
10. When I’m alone at night, I like to dress up in high heels, douse myself with fancy perfume, and dance the Charleston with an old coat rack
11. I invented the ‘atomic wedgie‘
12. I wear a smaller hat underneath my regular hat. Keeps me young. And doctors say it’s good for my shingles.
13. My favourite movie of all-time is Kazaam
14. I’ve got a rock solid business plan to open a chain of Bubba Button Shrimp restaurants, but can’t get V.C. funding
15. I’m the ‘Ben’ in Ben Gay
16. I have never been on an aeroplane (What’s the deal with aeroplane food?)
17. I was Wilfred Brimley’s understudy in Cocoon and Henry Fonda’s stunt double in On Golden Pond
18. I can breathe through my ears
19. Shhhh – don’t tell anyone: I prefer zippers over buttons
20. I’m the one who put the ram in the ram-a-lama ding dong
21. But I’m NOT the one who put the dip in the dip she dip dee
    
22. Much like a crustacean, if you cut off one of my limbs, it miraculously grows back
23. Secretly, I gloat that everyone else on Earth is getting older, wrinklier, and uglier, while I get younger, smoother, and hotter.
24. Most painful process during making of Benjamin Button?  Four hours of makeup daily to make my crotch look ‘old.’
25. Daisy’s breath smelled like carp.

Separated At Birth, Part Two

Dick Cheney vs Benjamin Button. (He looks like different people at different ages – it’s a BUTTON MIRACLE!)

Separated At Birth?

Benjamin Button vs. Moses Znaimer. (Is it possible that Button is the youngest Zoomer on Earth?)

Reposting: Proof Benjamin Button Is A Shameless Rip-Off of Forrest Gump

This has been taken down several times – found it again after some looking:

Benjamin Button Boredom Index (Plus Bonus Venn Diagrams!)

The First Rule Of Button Club…

…is that you HAVE to talk about Button Club.

What we HAVEN’T talked much about yet is David Fincher, the director of The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button.  He’s directed some phenomenal movies, including Seven and Fight Club.  (He also directed Zodiac, but we don’t really consider that ‘phenomenal.’)  In fact, we would go so far to say that it appears Mr. Fincher is pulling a Button himself.  Let us explain…

Usually directors mature with time and experience, moving from popcorn movies up to serious fare not purely designed for mass consumption and box office returns.  Fincher has done the exact opposite.  Fight Club, also starring Brad Pitt, is so subversive, original, and well executed that it’s become iconic and revered. Button, on the other hand, is a boring, tedious, Oscar-trolling rip-off.  So many questions:

• How could the guy who made movies featuring soap made from human lard and a severed head in a box make the most sacchrine, interminable maudlin fail-film in recent memory?
• How could ‘Fincher and Tyler Durden’ become ‘Fincher and Old, Leathery Baby?’
• How could Fincher make audiences want to decapitate an old baby and mail the severed noggin in a box back to Fincher?
• How could Fincher make audiences want to see Old Man Button join a Fight Club just for the cheap thrill out witnessing his wrinkly old arse getting beaten to a pulp?

There is only one answer..

David Fincher’s director mind is reverse aging!

He’s getting worse, not learning and becoming better!  He’s UNLEARNING everything that made him a genius! He’s Buttonifying!  (We fully expect him to make an announcement that his next project will be a Lindsay Lohan thriller or a Miley Cyrus romantic comedy. ) Why, David Fincher?  Whyyyyyy????  Return to your former glory!  Fight the Buttoning of your mind!

Film Critic Ben Lyons Grilled About His Absurd ‘Button Loving’

O.A.B.B.C Hall of Famer, Defamer, continues it’s bashing of Mr. Button by posting this link to a Ben-Lyons bashing blog:

Lyons appeared this weekend on Fox’s late-night hope, Talkshow with Spike Feresten, and the host immediately started grilling Lyons about his Button love, reiterating that the movie was far too similar to Forrest Gump.

Apart from this terrific video clip, the REAL excitement is the introduction of another new Button-Bashing champion - stopbenlyons.com.   The author of this brilliant blog gives the much-maligned At The Movies host the same treatment that this blog gives to Benjamin Button.  It roasts him.  And seeing as Mr. Lyons has stupifyingly named The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button as his favourite film of 2008, stopbenlyons.com is right on board with pointing out what a completely ridiculous Best of ‘08 selection Lyons has made.

Invoking the finite wisdom of the Academy is always a decisive debating strategy when defending a movie. “It got, like, 13 Oscar nominations. And it totally deserved them! I mean, NO movie has EVER been nominated for an Oscar unless it was, like, totally AWESOME!”

Our personal blog highlight is his suggestion that our site add a ‘Pro-Button Critical Hall of Shame‘ list, outing all the half-wits who gave the movie a solid review.  Check out his links and give this prolific loather of TWO Bens (Lyons and Button) a read.

Daily Show Slams Button As A Snooze-Fest!

What a wonderful morale booster for the O.A.B.B.C. to know that we have none other than Jon Stewart on our side, ridiculing this bore of a film by falling asleep and making cracks about old babies and aging in reverse.  See, we’re NOT crazy!  If Jon Stewart says it, it’s not only true… it’s profound!  Wheeee!

For poor Canadians who can’t have their Daily Show videos embedded:

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=217664&title=intro-slumdog-millionaire&byDate=true

For Americans, who enjoy Hulu and so much more online video goodness unfettered by idiotic geo-fencing (not that the OABBC is bitter…):

O.A.B.B.C. On Vancouver’s Urban Rush!

O.A.B.B.C. co-founders Jordan Kawchuk and Fiona Forbes (host of Urban Rush) talked Button Loathing last Friday.  Personal highlight: the Old Button Baby reminds Jordan of a haggis, except “instead of organ meats,he’s filled with failure and boredom.” Enjoy!

laineygossip.com – O.A.B.B.C. Hall of Fame Induction

As loyal members of the O.A.B.B.C. well know, we have had a tremendous amount of support from the media during this short, yet spectacular campaign to deny Sir Button a single Oscar.  For those members of the media (Brian D. Johnson! Defamer!) who have gone above and beyond the call, we have inducted them into our Anti-Button Hall of Fame.

Today, it gives us exceptional pleasure to welcome Elaine “Lainey” Lui into this esteemed and privileged club.  As the reigning gossip queen of Hollywood, Elaine’s site, laineygossip.com, has a huge and passionate following. We loved the site yesterday, but today, we REALLY LOVE Lainey.  With a simple link, her website has managed to drive more traffic to the O.A.B.B.C. than the combined efforts of all the major ‘traditional’ media we’ve had so far. Check this out:

Ummm…. WOW.  Don’t be fooled by the days that look like there’s no traffic – it’s all relative.  That’s how MUCH traffic Lainey drove to us today.

Lainey, if you’re out there and ever want to do ANYTHING with the O.A.B.B.C., we are your new humble servants. Singlehandedly, you have helped our mighty cause immeasurably.  On behalf of Button-Loathers everywhere, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Sincerely,

O.A.B.B.C. Management

Benjamin Button As A Math Equation

Forrest Gump (same writer, insane # of plot similarities)

Plus Mork & Mindy (reverse aging)

Plus The Jerk (white boy raised in a black family)

Plus The English Patient (Juliette Binoche & a creepy person you just want to hurry up and die)

Plus ‘throw up’

= The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

O.A.B.B.C. Makes It To Hollywood

News of the O.A.B.B.C. has made it all the way to Hollywood, where website hollywoodlife.net has bonded with us over their Deputy Editor’s Button-a-phobia.

The Furious Craze of Benjamin Button: Remember when HL Deputy Editor Tricia Romano ripped Benjamin Button, eviscerated its acclaim, made fun of its momma’s moustache and all that? Well, the Button snapping has become a sensation, in the form of this website. The revolution and mania BEGIN. It’s only gonna get faster and more frightening, guys, like Riverdance.

NBC’s Los Angeles affiliate also gives us some nice digital ink

(Button has) spawned a backlash that’s raging across the Internet, with the Button haters campaigning against the film’s Oscar chances. There’s the Official Anti-Benjamin Button Club, as well as a slew of Facebook groups with names like, “Benjamin Button Ruined My Life,” and “Benjamin Button Took Three Hours Of My Life That I’ll Never Get Back.”

Thanks also to The National Post for spreading word of our valiant mission:

Still haven’t seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? This pee-your-pants-funny site offers many convincing arguments about why you shouldn’t bother.

Benjamin Button Announces Neil Young Tribute Album

Major music news today.  After a consultation with Scarlett Johansson, Benjamin Button has made the bold decision to cross-over into the music industry, starting with an EP of Neil Young cover songs entitled, “Button Never Sleeps,” a clear reference to the withered ‘old’ child’s chronic insomnia.

“This is a shameless and transparent attempt to extend my 15 minutes of fame by paying tribute to Neil Young, while at the same time, putting my own personal touch on the lyrics,” said Button in a prepared statement.

The most surprising parts of the tribute album are the lyrical modifications made to each song by Mr. Button.

Button explained the logic behind the changes. “I’m an old man trapped in a child’s body. No one knows the living hell that is my daily existence. That is, no one knew the living hell until NOW, through the magical power of Neil Young’s music and my customized lyrics…”

The O.A.B.B.C. has obtained the exclusive album art as well as a track listing.
ALBUM ART

TRACKS & LYRIC SAMPLES
Old Man: “Old Man, look at my life, I look a lot like you do.”
I Am A Child: “I am a child. I’ll last a while. You can’t conceive of the pleasure in my age reversal.”
My My Hey Hey: “My my, hey hey.  I might look old, but I’m here to stay.  Hey hey, my my, I might look old, but I’m not going to die.”
Heart Of Gold: “I want to live.  I want to give.  I’ve been searching for another boy that’s old.”

L.A. Times: Secret Button-Bashing Insider Speaks Out!

Scott Feinberg of the Los Angeles Times has concocted a brilliant idea – he’s hired a prominent Hollywood screenwriter to give an honest, anonymous account of the movies nominated for Academy Awards this year under the pseudonym of “Deep Vote.”
In his latest entry, Deep Vote begins his assessment with this stinging indictment:

When I realized there was a Disk 2 of “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” I almost didn’t pop it into my DVD player, but I reflected that it could not possibly be as aimless and haphazard as Disk 1. I was wrong. There is really no story of interest here, just a series of tableaux, interrupted by meaningless scenes between actors, who, through no fault of their own, fail to compel me. My guess is that’s exactly why it runs on at such a length: to proclaim its own importance.

It’s reassuring to the O.A.B.B.C. to see more and more people who create and review cinema for a living opening up about the massive borefest that is Benjamin Button.  While we may use more than our fair share of bad photoshop gags, limericks, and lists in our quest to deny Benjamin any gold statuettes, people like Deep Vote are actually thoughtfully analyzing the film and giving REAL explanations for why it stinks:

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote the uncharacteristic story on which this concoction is based as a novelty, and had the instinct to keep it short, which is possibly the only length at which its impossible paradox can occupy one’s attention.

My only disappointment with Deep Vote is his seeming hopelessness that a film other than Button will win:

More often, a bad movie, a box-office “spectacle” like “Benjamin Bellybutton,” with plenty of shots that make the viewer aware of the director, will take home the statue.

Deep Vote – hear us clearly.  Your work is just as important and vital to the future of the world as that of the original Deep Throat was in exposing the Watergate scandal.  Don’t clam up.  Keep telling the truth.  It’s not easy – there will be those who say it can’t be done.  There will be threats made upon you and your family.  But think of the greater good.
A world without Buttons.

Charlie Rose’s Button Bonanza

Charlie Rose hosted a spirited Button-themed debate.  For movie buffs, this is pretty interesting stuff.  In the pro-Button corner, A.O. Scott, from the New York Times, and taking the O.A.B.B.C. point of view in the anti-Button corner is David Denby of the New Yorker.

Via Pop Candy at USA Today.

A New Champion Of The Anti-Buttonist Movement Has Emerged: Defamer!

Three cheers for uber-blog Defamer for taking a brave stance and providing a thorough, well-thought out, and clever argument for how Benjamin Button will lose every single Academy Award for which it is nominated.

In a thrilling read entitled, “How ‘Benjamin Button’ Can Finish 0-For-13 On Oscar Night,” detailed exactly how this miraculous wretch “seize Oscar legend by the throat on Feb. 22 with 13 losses.”

The previous record for single-year Oscar futility is shared by 1977’s The Turning Point and 1985’s The Color Purple, both of which went 0-for-11. More recently, Miramax failed to capitalize on a single one of Gangs of New York’s 10 nominations in 2002 — an accomplishment hinting that the Academy can willingly defy even the most art-directed, costume-designed, massive-budget prestige exercises of their respective years.

With their nomination by nomination account of a history-making goose egg, Defamer now joins Brian D. Johnson in the O.A.B.B.C. Hall of Fame.  Thank you, Defamer, and may the Academy indeed punish Button mercilessly.

Sincerely,

The O.A.B.B.C.

A Little Button Photoshop Fun!